Forgiveness  

continued from Desperation Story

Sometime after this, I was searching for what went wrong in the marriage.  Still on an emotional rollercoaster, I remember listening to NPR everyday on the way to work  -- a short sad story could get the tears flowing and it was like that at work too.  Gratefully I had an office with a door and a window with blinds -- even a good friend to listen who tolerated my unexpected bouts as I struggled to hold myself together.   Some days went better than others.

Unfortunately, the counselor I was seeing didn't have much of a response to anything I spoke about so I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn’t helping.  I was desperate to find answers.  One day as I was watching TV, a woman who conducted seminars about relationships was selling her tapes on an infomercial.  She actually made sense to me so I called and purchased her taped set!  As soon as they arrived, I began listening to them.  I heard a lot of truth and knew my money wasn't wasted.  I would listen to them instead of NPR on the way to and from work over and over.  Tape #5 was on communication.  Somehow I knew this one had a deeper message for me and one day on the highway, I realized that God was trying to show me my fault in the marriage!  That I had a huge part in why it didn’t work and how I had treated my husband with disrespect and agonizing control.  It was a revelation.  I stopped the car and bawled like a baby.  I knew I had to call my ex-husband and tell him how sorry I was for the way I treated him and for the things God was showing me that contributed to our breakup.  It was heart-wrenching but necessary. 

He answered my call and forgave me immediately.  I was so grateful to both David and God.  God was so good allow me to begin to see my fault.  It showed me that He loved me and wanted me to walk in right relationship with him and my ex-husband.  He also asked me to forgive him which I was fully able to do.

There are so many bitter people out there because of divorce and not wanting to see their part in it.  I knew I had a part in it, but it was much easier to see his part than mine before God showed me.  I can’t say I have seen everything bad I contributed to our marriage, but I can say that to this day, we are friends.  We shared a big piece of history together . . . growing up and out of our twenties.  The learning is not over for either of us, but knowing that God cares about the condition of our hearts is precious.   He doesn't want us to hurt each other OR ourselves.

continued . . .  Desperation Story 3

For those of you wondering . . . David is remarried now.