Who Is This GOD?

 continued from Desperation Story 2

I began going to different churches and bought a Bible, reading mostly Proverbs 3 over and over again.  Verses 5 and 6 stuck in my mind and became the first verses I ever memorized:  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”  I felt God was saying that this was what I needed to keep in mind.

After selling the house, I moved to an apartment and found my next door neighbor was a solid Christian and loved cats and quilting – two of my most favorite things!  She encouraged me to keep looking for God and to find the church that fit.  In my heart I just knew one day that the right one for me was a Disciples of Christ church.  I had never heard of them but I looked in the yellow pages and tried out a couple of different Disciples churches.  It seemed something was always missing so I tried other denominations as well.  None seemed to be what I was looking for even though I couldn’t put into words what I was looking for.  I guess I thought I would know it when I saw it and feel at home there.

About two years later, I volunteered to mentor a junior high school student through my job.  I wanted to connect her to Young Life (YL) to get some solid positive influences in her life.  YL is an interdenominational group for teens specializing in friendship evangelism in high schools to draw kids to Jesus.  I remembered going as a high school student and enjoying the fellowship and fun and knew that God must have planted seeds in me at that time to draw me closer to him now.  I was hoping he would do the same for her only that she would embrace it more than I did.

As I connected with the local Young Life staff, I found that God had made a divine appointment for me more than for the student I was mentoring!  Through those contacts, Brenda and Jim, I attended First Christian Church of Harrison, (Ohio) where the pastor spoke saying:  “Every person in your life will let you down sometime – even me, but God will never let you down.”  Well, that was a confirmation for me and it kept me listening to the end.  The pastor was causal, funny, and delivered reality -- direct truth I could apply immediately.  I was drawn to attending again and later my new friends helped me find a little cottage house to move into near my work place.  I finally attended a class they held for newcomers and this is when I found out it was Disciples of Christ church!  I thought I read the church sign and didn’t recall seeing it.  I made a point after the class to go look at the sign in front of the church and there it was:  First Christian Church of Harrison  Disciples of Christ -- I knew I was “home” – right where God wanted me. 

I wish I could say that I knew who Jesus was by now, but still, I really didn’t know who he was but I was feeling like God was taking care of me.  He was guiding me. 

The Truth

Shortly after moving into my little cottage house, I remember driving home from work and just as I turned the corner I thought:  what if Christianity is not true – that it is just another way to God.  I put it out of my mind and parked the car.  Feeling tired from working and doing so much unpacking lately, I decided to take a nap on the couch.  As I lay there, I felt a familiar presence near my head – stroking my hair.  It felt good.  I thought – oh that must be my friend Brenda – how nice.  My mind kicked in and remembered that it couldn’t be Brenda because she was on vacation on a cruise ship!  All of a sudden, the presence changed – it felt evil.  Then a horrible, scary looking demon swept around from my head to right in front of me.  I was paralyzed and couldn’t move except to put my hand straight out and try to hold it at bay!  I was terrified!  The demon was totally evil and had longer arms than I did and it was going for my throat.  I couldn’t get away.  I couldn’t move or even wake myself.  What a trap I was in!  I remember crying out in my thoughts for Jesus to save me.  Again, all of a sudden, the demon was pushed away by a hand.  It wasn’t mine – it was Jesus’.  I woke up and wondered what just happened.  Why did that happen and what did it mean?  How had I allowed the unbelief to come in?  It was here that I recalled that the enemy used his age-old tactic of instilling doubt in my heart just like he did to Eve and Adam in the Garden of Eden.

When I told a couple of friends about my dream, they suggested that I read Frank E. Peretti’s books:  Piercing the Darkness and This Present Darkness.  He writes of the conflict between God and his angels and evil enemies that we cannot see with our eyes but can influence with our Christian walk and prayer.  I read them and when my friend Brenda came home, she suggested that even though I had already prayed to accept Jesus on my own, that we kneel down together and pray it again out loud so all the forces of evil know I have given my life to God.  We did this and then she prayed a prayer of blessing over me.

I look at this dream in a couple of ways.  First, as the reality of a spirit world I cannot see, but can sometimes feel.  It is real.  Satan will keep trying to plant doubt in my heart as to what is Truth and the faithful character of God.  And second, as an analogy of what Jesus, God’s son, did for me (and you!)  he laid down his life as a sacrifice to cover my sins and to allow access once again to his Father, now my Father.  As I believe and embrace this truth, I am set aside to live in eternal life with the Father God who is unfathomable LOVE.  It sounds crazy to some, but with our limited wisdom, we cannot understand all of what God is and does.  He brought us the greatest sacrifice he could to show us he loves us and wants fellowship with us, His creation.   It is so easy to accept this gift.  You can do the same right now.  If you want Jesus to come into your heart and take away your sins, you can pray the following prayer with deep sincerity:

Dear Jesus, I have sinned and ask forgiveness for my sins.  I believe you are the Son of God and that you gave your life for me.  Please come into my heart and help me change and walk in truth and righteousness.  Amen. 

Now, begin to talk to Jesus like you would your best friend and tell him all that is going on in your heart, believing that he is listening.  Begin to read the Bible (maybe start with the book of John).  And look for a church where you feel welcome and get involved there.  If you have doubts, ask GOD and look to the very first chapters of Genesis to see that sin entered the world through doubt of God’s character.   As Christians we live by faith and that is believing in what you cannot see.   If you prayed this prayer,  write me and let me know of your decision.  I would love to know so I can pray for you and help you.

Before I had that first experience with God, I never would have thought that I would be living my life serving God.  Because I believed those kinds of people were all religious fanatics and I didn’t want to be like them.  However, I have since come to understand what I did not know.  That I had judged wrongly – I have often judged wrongly.  That is one of my biggest areas of sin.  I judge others on their behavior – not on who they are personally.  There is often a hurting person behind one who hurts.  That was me.  I hurt and so I hurt others.  It is a way of self-preservation but the paradigm is that it is self-destructive.  

Remember:  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”  

Anyway, that is enough preaching from me, so let it suffice to say – God is there for us all – if you are willing, he can and will change you because his love for you is extravagant!